me: what the fuck do you think you're doing
daughter: what are you talking about
me: don't bring that shit in my house
daughter: dad. we've been over this. its my vagina. its part of my body. its attached to me.
me: that's what they said about your extra second arm
me: i said REMOVE IT
get3eeky asked: HEY
Why being a girl isn't working out for me:
Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
Me: Please, god, no--
Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!
Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious
Me: Please, guys, calm down--
Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
Me: I hate you all
Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight.
Uterus: You mother fuckers.
Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
Brain: Me gusta.
dangerouslydeliciousdinosaur: i understand you need to bleed once a month because there’s no baby to give that blood too. but it is completely unnecessary to put me in this much pain. you were nice about it the first two days and now you’re just being a bitch.
on the internet: you're ugly
in real life: you're ugly
Remember when I said that you’d give me up...